Grandma holding me at her apartment when I was little.
“It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited...And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things.” - Lemony Snicket
Grandma holding Ella.
My Grandma Elsie died on June 11, 2014. She died almost 2 weeks after my high school graduation. Yesterday would have been her 89th birthday. I miss her so much. I spent the last 48 hours of her life at her side in hospice. I held her hand. I combed her hair. I sat with her. I cried, laughed, shared memories with other family members, and sometimes just sat still thinking. I was there when she took her last breathe.
Grandma and I at my piano recital.
Sometimes I am still in shock. I don't understand. I think about all the things she'll miss - my college graduation, my wedding, her grandchildren, and so many more memories. I wonder why. She looked so good at my graduation. She was so happy. She loved every second. And all of a sudden, she had a stroke. She was paralyzed on her left side. She couldn't talk. It doesn't seem fair. But then, I remember a miracle that happened when she was in the hospital.
When Grandma Elsie was in the ICU, my brother asked to talk to her alone. We all knew that she wasn't a Christian. And, he wanted to talk to her about Jesus. I don't know what he said. I just know that afterward he felt at peace and that she was going to go to Heaven.
Grandma, Nicky and I
The next day, our Pastor came to see her in the hospital. He talked to her about Jesus again. At one point, He asked her, "Elsie, do you trust Jesus?" And, she did something that I will never forget as long as I live. She couldn't speak. She couldn't open her eyes. And yet, she nodded. She nodded that she trusted Jesus. In a cold hospital room, with all the cards stacked against her, she finally understood her need for Jesus.
Grandma and I at her 85th birthday party.
I was angry. I thought life was unfair. I just didn't understand why she died so suddenly. But, now I realize, God gave her grace that day. He didn't let her die all alone from the stroke. He gave her an extra week to be with us before she died. He didn't let her die in excruciating agony. He gave her a kind nurse in her final hours to give her medicine for the pain. But most importantly, He gave her a last chance to accept His Son. He loved her so much that He sent His only Son to die for her so that she could go to Heaven. And, He gave us peace and the chance to know for sure where she went when she died. It's absolutely amazing to me.
I miss my Grandma Elsie every day. I'm sure I will always miss her although the pain will fade in time. But, I know because of Ecclesiastes 3:1-4, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." I can look forward to the day where I walk into Heaven's gates and see her shining face looking back at me. I can't wait to tell her all about the way God used me the rest of the my life. And most of all, I am excited to stand beside her and praise God together. I can only imagine what that will be like.
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